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Sunday, 19 October 2008, 02:01
fed up...

Can't believe the night has unfolded like this- Why is there always so much drama? Why can't things just run smoothly?

Lilly turned up to the party, and the looked so so so amazing in a Wonder Woman outfit. God she looked hot. And then trailing behind her holding onto her hand when they entered was fucking Eoghain. Who invited him anyway? I know we said they could have a +1 but why did she choose to bring him? So that was a bit of a bummer for me. And to top it all off, he was fucking wearing a fucking Robin costume, just like me. Great.

She didn't notice me for a while, and I was hanging out with the guys trying not to look like I was waiting for her to come over, when she eventually bumped into me in the kitchen. She didn't seem very drunk, and said hi and I said hi and she seemed really happy to see me, which raised my hopes a bit. We had a really nice conversation and she told me how much she loved my costume, and she made me really happy. We went to sit down together but Lilly got stopped on the way and she ended up joining the girls again, dancing with her sister Rebecca in the garden. Rebecca went off dancing with some guy that I didn't recognise, and when I turned around I came face to face with Summer, wearing a cheerleaders outfit. I asked her where her invitation was, and she replied that it must have got lost in the post. She put her arm around my neck whilst she said it, and moved closer to me and argh it made me so mad. I asked her whether she knew it was a superheroes party, and she said I should know that she always liked to stand out from the crowd.

At that exact moment, when Summer was whispering in my ear, Lilly came in to get a drink and stopped still at the sight of us. She looked at me really hurt and then walked off into the bathroom, and I followed her and walked in before she had a chance to lock the door. She told me to get out and I refused. I told her it wasn't what it looked like, but knew she had every reason not to believe me. She told me that she was glad it was confirmed that she had made the right choice in breaking it off with me. I tried to explain that I had just bumped into her but Lilly didn't believe me, and said she knew she would always be second best to Summer. Which is not true, and I told her, but it was all in vain. So I just pretty much came out with it. I told her how much I liked her, how crazy I was about her, how gorgeous she always looked and how shit I felt not being able to get close to her. She told me she couldn't listen to it any more, and she was happy to be my friend when things calmed down but for now she just didn't want to talk to me, not when it was clear that Summer was still so involved in my life. I tried telling her it honestly wasn't what it looked like and that I hadn't seen Summer since that night, and it was Lilly I wanted not Summer, but she went to walk out. And so I grabbed her and kissed her, and she pushed me away from her and slapped me. She was so upset, that she actually slapped me. And then walked out.

I walked out to follow her but couldn't see her, and walked into the garden for some fresh air. I sat down on the bench for a while to think things through, and then looked across the garden and saw Lilly and Eoghain talking. She looked upset and he took her hand and they talked for a while longer, then he put his hand to her face and kissed her. And she kissed him back. And I'm gutted.

I stormed off to my room for some quiet drunken time, and Lilly must have followed me cos I heard her call my name when I was going upstairs. I don't think she knows that I saw. Anyway I ignored her and walked into my room, and two people were making out on my bed. I was pissed off enough already and when I asked them what the hell they were doing, I heard Lilly walk into the room at the same time as they took their masks off, and there was Ollie and Rebecca. And I just went skitz, I grabbed Ollie off of the bed and threw him onto the floor. I was just so mad but Lilly jumped in front of me before I had chance to do anything stupid. She looked at me with her big blue eyes and took my arms and told me that she would deal with this. There was something about her that calmed me down and I actually waited whilst Lilly yelled at Ollie for taking advantage of her little sister. Rebecca played the "i'm old enough to know what i'm doing" card but Lilly told her this was serious and she didn't understand the situation. Ollie did know the situation though and I can't believe how stupid he was being. He started yelling back at her and she started to get upset, and by some of the words used I think Rebecca clicked on that something bad had happened between them. Lilly told Rebecca to go downstairs and then Ollie started to get nasty, and I told him to shut it but he started calling Lilly a slut, saying that she was flitting from him to me to Eoghain whenever she felt like it. I swear I couldn't keep back any longer and I just smacked him one and he fell to the floor again. He got up and went for me and I had to practically throw Lilly out of the way else he would have hit her. I've never seen him act so psycho before, and I know it scared the shit out of Lilly. Some of the guys burst into the room after hearing the commotion and we shoved Ollie out of the room and they said they'd throw him out. I was so mad. I went back into my room and Lilly was sitting where she had landed on the floor, her knees pulled up to her chest. I walked over to her and she looked up at me with her sad face and I took her hands and pulled her up. She staggered a little into me, she was pretty drunk, and then we just stood and looked at each other, not really knowing what to say. And it was pretty much the most awkward thing ever. I sat down on my bed and she didn't even say anything, after a while she just left.

Then she came back, and said Eoghain had gone home and she wondered if she could stay over. God I like her so, so much and I know she likes me too, and I regret sleeping with Summer so much cos it's completely screwed things up. She pretty much fell asleep in my bed five minutes after lying down, hardly saying a word to me. So now she's fast asleep in one half of my bed in her Wonder Woman outfit, and tomorrow morning is going to be hell for her. I'm such a complete idiot.