I'm back in dreary Hallam and the guys all welcomed me with big man-hugs, three crates of beer and six halloween costumes for tonight. It's pretty great of them, and I didn't feel up to going out at first but I think after a couple of beer I might feel a bit better. They're all trying to keep off the subject of my Mum, and they're all been great, I really appreciate it.

I walked past Lilly's halls of residence earlier and saw Eoghain walking in with a bunch of flowers. I felt shit about it until I got home and mentioned it to the guys and they said he's a bit of a weirdo and is far more into Lilly than she is into him. He took her on a date to her Mum's restaurant last night, which was pretty awkward for her so they've heard. Oh and it went absolutely shit, which pretty much put a smile on myself.

So now I've settled in I'm gonna relax with the guys for a bit and see what I feel up to later.

Everything's pretty much settled down a little bit and things are a bit calmer. Mum's trying to be strong for Mikey and Dad's trying to be strong for Mum and... I'm just trying to support them as much as I can and make sure all the day to day stuff is sorted.

Journalist's have been ringing and there's been so many cards and flowers delivered, loads of our close friends have been around the house giving support and it's been a bit overwhelming for everyone.

Dad thinks that I should return home tomorrow and catch up with my essays over the weekend before uni starts again on Monday. I know he's right but I just don't want to leave everyone here. He said it's probably better if I see my friends and try and get things back to normal with Lilly... I know he's right again but I just can't make things right with Lilly, all I ever do it upset her no matter how hard she tries with me. I'm just an idiot, she's too good for me. I act too laid back when it comes to dating, and I've heard Eoghain's been paying her loads of attention and won't stop asking her out, and I guess she might like that kind of thing. I dunno. I guess I'll try and talk to her when things have calmed down a bit more.

Still feel pretty much shit about everything. Spent all day at the hospital today but it just made me feel worse seeing Mum in so much pain. She start's chemotherapy in the next ten days.

Not heard from Lilly. Or Ollie. Not heard from anyone really.

Spent the afternoon/evening with Lilly after coming home from the hospital. Mum's awake and talking although she's devastated about what's happened. Lilly's been keeping me company all night and she's been so great with Mikey and everyone, even driving my Grandparents home and cooking dinner for us all.

Half an hour ago there was a knock at the door and Dad called up saying it was for me. I went downstairs and there was Ollie. Because I was so wound up from the whole day I went a bit mad and asked him what he was doing turning up on my doorstep. He told me Lilly had rang him - I stupidly went upstairs back to my room and yelled at her too. She tried to calm me down but I just couldn't calm down and she said she asked Ollie to come over to help out and make everything better. So I stupidly got really mad and told her that she was making everything worse. She got really upset and stood up and tried to reason with me for some reason everything that I had kept in these past couple of days came out and I yelled at her really bad; I don't know why the hell I took my anger out on her when she had been the one who stuck with me through the weekend. She looked so hurt and as soon as Ollie came in the room I came to my senses and tried to apologise but Lilly was already gathering her stuff together. I tried to stop her from leaving; she was crying and I knew she couldn't drive home if she was in a state, plus she had had a couple of glasses of wine, but she just rushed past me and Ollie followed her.

Dad heard the whole thing and is now really mad with me and I want to drive after her but ARGH.

I'm back in dreary Hallam and the guys all welcomed me with big man-hugs, three crates of beer and six halloween costumes for tonight. It's pretty great of them, and I didn't feel up to going out at first but I think after a couple of beer I might feel a bit better. They're all trying to keep off the subject of my Mum, and they're all been great, I really appreciate it.

I walked past Lilly's halls of residence earlier and saw Eoghain walking in with a bunch of flowers. I felt shit about it until I got home and mentioned it to the guys and they said he's a bit of a weirdo and is far more into Lilly than she is into him. He took her on a date to her Mum's restaurant last night, which was pretty awkward for her so they've heard. Oh and it went absolutely shit, which pretty much put a smile on myself.

So now I've settled in I'm gonna relax with the guys for a bit and see what I feel up to later.

Everything's pretty much settled down a little bit and things are a bit calmer. Mum's trying to be strong for Mikey and Dad's trying to be strong for Mum and... I'm just trying to support them as much as I can and make sure all the day to day stuff is sorted.

Journalist's have been ringing and there's been so many cards and flowers delivered, loads of our close friends have been around the house giving support and it's been a bit overwhelming for everyone.

Dad thinks that I should return home tomorrow and catch up with my essays over the weekend before uni starts again on Monday. I know he's right but I just don't want to leave everyone here. He said it's probably better if I see my friends and try and get things back to normal with Lilly... I know he's right again but I just can't make things right with Lilly, all I ever do it upset her no matter how hard she tries with me. I'm just an idiot, she's too good for me. I act too laid back when it comes to dating, and I've heard Eoghain's been paying her loads of attention and won't stop asking her out, and I guess she might like that kind of thing. I dunno. I guess I'll try and talk to her when things have calmed down a bit more.

Still feel pretty much shit about everything. Spent all day at the hospital today but it just made me feel worse seeing Mum in so much pain. She start's chemotherapy in the next ten days.

Not heard from Lilly. Or Ollie. Not heard from anyone really.

Spent the afternoon/evening with Lilly after coming home from the hospital. Mum's awake and talking although she's devastated about what's happened. Lilly's been keeping me company all night and she's been so great with Mikey and everyone, even driving my Grandparents home and cooking dinner for us all.

Half an hour ago there was a knock at the door and Dad called up saying it was for me. I went downstairs and there was Ollie. Because I was so wound up from the whole day I went a bit mad and asked him what he was doing turning up on my doorstep. He told me Lilly had rang him - I stupidly went upstairs back to my room and yelled at her too. She tried to calm me down but I just couldn't calm down and she said she asked Ollie to come over to help out and make everything better. So I stupidly got really mad and told her that she was making everything worse. She got really upset and stood up and tried to reason with me for some reason everything that I had kept in these past couple of days came out and I yelled at her really bad; I don't know why the hell I took my anger out on her when she had been the one who stuck with me through the weekend. She looked so hurt and as soon as Ollie came in the room I came to my senses and tried to apologise but Lilly was already gathering her stuff together. I tried to stop her from leaving; she was crying and I knew she couldn't drive home if she was in a state, plus she had had a couple of glasses of wine, but she just rushed past me and Ollie followed her.

Dad heard the whole thing and is now really mad with me and I want to drive after her but ARGH.

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