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Monday, 15 September 2008, 02:07
you would hate to be me right now

Got a huge rugby match tomorrow and i can't sleep, which means i'm gonna play shit and get even more stressed out.

I rang Summer this afternoon and told her we need to talk. I mean, I really do like her, well I used to, but lately things just haven't been right and if I'm gonna get stressed out about it then maybe it's not worth it. I'm going into my third year at uni and I can't have any added pressure, including Summer. My Dad clocked on that something was wrong this morning and we kinda had a talk about things... I mean he's never liked Sum but he knows I've got a steady head on my shoulders, although he does think that I've let her get a bit too carried away with controlling me.

I guess he's right. All she does lately is nag at me, yell at me and order me about and refuse to do things, and then as soon as I get tough with her she cries or pouts or turns on her charms and I end up falling for it like a sucker and I guess I can't do that any more. I'm a pretty tough guy and I don't like being under the thumb, I like things to be equal and I know that with me and Summer it's not.

But I know she's not gonna give us up without a fight. And I guess I don't wanna just give up either, but thinking about it lately it's all just got crazy and out of hand. It's all right going out with a hot girl and having sex on tap and getting more involved with the "in" crowd and always being talked about but we have absolutely nothing in common. Apart from our parents are rich. But she's spoilt from it and I'm not, so I guess we're not that similar there either.

She didn't sound too happy on the phone, I think she had company so she was trying to put on a happy voice. That's the thing, I wish she would just be straight with me. So now I know she's gonna be pissed off with me, but she's gonna try her hardest to keep her reputation and 'perfect little relationship' intact.

I'm going out with Summer and yet I still feel lonely. It's all right, well, great, going out with someone who's completely gorgeous, but i want to be able to make her laugh without her worrying she's creasing her make up, take her cinema without her putting her five-inch stillettos on, go walking without her moaning she's gonna get wet. All those stupid little things that mean so much in a relationship.

Jeez look at me. Turns out this blog was a pretty good idea after all.

I don't wanna change into a different person. I like being my own person and I don't want Summer to keep trying to change me. I don't think there's a hells chance she's gonna change, and so I think it's time to call it a day.